Archetypes

When I was about half-way through my illness journey, I remember reading 'Sacred Contracts' by Caroline Myss. She presents a wide range of archetypes and we are invited to examine the way we are leading our own lives and to spot the archetypal patterns we are running. The archetypes she mentions include Priest, Poet, Martyr, Puppet, Prostitute and many more. One of the archetypes I felt particularly drawn to was 'Wounded Healer'. And one the huge frustrations of this time was that although I was wounded I definitely wasn't healing! Of course my definition of healing then was largely defined by phsyiological healing, as you might expect from someone in a wheelchair. Looking back I can see that the most important healing of the mind, spirit and emotions was taking place during those years of searching and journeying. Getting the physiological body back to health was the last piece of a complex jigsaw.

I have been reflecting on this archetype recently. Whilst I have learned to make enormous changes in many areas of my life - my partner sometimes says I am a 'completely different person' from the pre-ill me - there are parts of my life where I know there is still work to do. Occasionally I do nervousness. Part of me knows this behaviour belongs to a 'me' of a previous era and is outdated and unnecessary. But despite my tools, knowledge and understanding, I make slow progress in this one area. How fascinating! Though the truth is that I am more often than not infuriated than fascinated!

Working with this part of me I am learning to see it differently, to value it, and to learn from it. It is, in some sense, my membership badge to the group of people I work with. It is part of my identification with the wounded healer archetype. Wounded, I search for the healing, the learning. What brings me forward is also what enables me to help others.

So how do we respond to parts of ourselves that don't seem quite in line with how or what we want to be? As ever, I'm brought back to Love. Love and acceptance for these parts of me that aren't quite ready to be updated and move on. Gentleness and compassion for the parts of me that I know are doing their very best for me. Where does this take me? Out of 'me' and back into God/Love.

It's a rather appropriate time of year to be taken back into Love. 'Love came down at Christmas...'

Happy Christmas x

The BIG Picture

I've had a couple of weeks of interesting reading and experiences. Sometimes I experience things, then find a context or paradigm in which to understand them, and sometimes I have a cognitive understanding of something but the experience comes later. Recent influences have been The Wisdom Jesus by Cynthia Bourgeault, Laurel Mellin's The Pathway, Genpo Roshi's Big Mind and the funeral of a close friend.

I've been musing in the past few weeks about the different ways of 'being' in the world. It seems I have two options for the way I operate. The first way is to operate from a point where 'I' am the starting point, and my 'story', my 'perspective', my 'beliefs' become paramount, and consequently define my feelings and actions. For example, if someone shouts at me I can respond by thinking something along the lines of: 'How dare you shout at me? What have I done? I don't deserve to be shouted at?' And so on. William Blake expresses the consequences of this approach neatly in his poem 'Poison Tree'. 

The point to note about this is that 'I' and 'Me' take centre stage'; it is about the preservation - at all costs - of ego. 

The other way is interesting, and in some senses counter-intuitive. It involves stepping back from self, and into a bigger picture. As I do this I begin to lose my 'story' of what is happening. The more I do it the smaller my 'story' becomes and the less-identified I become with it. As I step into the much bigger picture, at this point I become limited by my language. We could call this bigger picture God, or the Universe, or Christ Consciousness, or Enlightnement.....but I prefer to simply use the word Love...as that is what it feels like. It doesn't feel like a neutral state, a sort of taking out of gear, but a positive, energy-filled, aliveness of celebration and love. 

In this state the old dualistic way of experiencing life disappears....there is no 'me' and 'you' ...there is simply one-ness. Judgement and justification melt away.....

Having experienced this a few times, and noticed the way it changes everything in my perceptual world, I am intrigued by the ways in which I can move into the big picture increasingly easily, no matter what else is going on. My current entry points to this expanded state include prayer (ritual and silent), meditation (again my version of it involves nothing rather than focusing on something), conscious choice, active acceptance, music, chanting, sharing with others. 

It's a bit early for New Year's resolutions......but I think the BIG picture is one I want to cultivate in 2012!

SLAMMED!!!

We've been 'slammed'.

This is another new experience for me.....and one that is proving a mite challenging!

For those of you who haven't yet discovered what it is to be 'slammed', allow me to explain.

On Thursday all was well. Our phone worked and so did our internet connection. On Friday morning we got up, switched on our laptops to check e-mails, news, weather etc....but couldn't get a connection. This is not particularly unusual....but when all the usual tricks failed to work, I decided to ring our provider....and discovered too that the phone did not work either.

A series of phone calls from my partner and myself ( and ok...I admit his were more effective than mine) to the provider and other providers lead to the pronouncement that we had been 'slammed'. Another provider had taken ( I think of it as STOLEN!) our phone line, either inadvertently or deliberately. Apparently it's not uncommon. And apparently it could take up to two weeks to either repair the mistake or to find us a new line. In the meantime I'm becoming a rather familiar figure hunched over my laptop in Wetherspoons....enjoying their free wi-fi. Bless Wetherspoons.

I'm fascinated by the word 'slammed' and the effect it has on the users. Its connotations of violence, power, victim etc. So many of the words we use have an onomatopoiec effect on us. This is familiar NLP stuff...but when you come across a new word used in a new context it allows us to realise again the power that the words we use have upon ourselves, our family, our friends, our colleaguees, our clients, our students.

It has started me thinking of the words I want to be using instead. I like softer, nurturing, loving, empowering, enabling words (do these words in some way embody the sentiment they convey?).

Note to self: listen gently to the words I use when I'm talking to me.

And send loving thoughts to those s.........!

'WE ARE SAILING....'

Sailing. There are always so many things I learn from the times - not all that frequent! - when I sail.

The last time was last Sunday. My plan had been to spend the morning doing school prep, ready for going back on Monday. Yet when I woke, the sky was blue and the sun was shining. It seemed madness to stay in and work when we were heading into Autumn and this might well be one of only a few sunny days. It didn't take very much persuasion to lure my partner out onto the water....

We decided on a limited venture across from Mylor to Loe Beach to grab a cuppa at the cafe, then head back to Mylor. I'm always struck by the choosing of a point to set off towards. I love the focus on a point in the distance, maybe a clump of trees or a building, on the far shore. I love the fact that it's in the distance, but as we sail towards it it becomes closer. I love the fact that knowing our final destination, in this case Loe Beach, we have to set off in different directions in order to get to it - zigzagging our way forwards - changing our course as the wind direction changes, but always keeping in sight our end destination.

I know in my own life that having a destination, a vision is vital. Once I know where I'm going, then I can plan my course, changing it according to the winds that blow across my life.

When we arrived at Loe Beach we took the inflatable, affectionately named the 'plastic doughnut' and paddled to shore. Not without some difficulty, as the wind had become much stronger. We had a brief cuppa, then clambered back into the doughnut and back onto Tiddy Oggie.

Sailing back turned into a bit of a challenge. The winds were stronger and sea choppier than we had experienced on this boat. A reef was put in the sail, the main sheet was let out, and still we heeled in a way that felt less than comfortable! I was aware of the need for calm. When things become choppy a calm response means that one can make sensible, rational decisions. Panic -yes, I did a bit! - wasn't remotely helpful.

I've always found regarding life as a sailing adventure a really helpful metaphor. At the start of September and the beginning of the academic year, at  school it seems as if we are just setting sail. Ship ready? The destination? July - lessons learned, exam syllabuses taught, exams sat, productions produced, concerts given, games played, fun had.  All on board? Here we go again.....

Saying YES to Life!

It was a gorgeous sunny evening yesterday, and I was sitting on the quay at Mylor Harbour enjoying a drink, watching the sun go down, and thinking the usual, 'I'm so lucky to live in Cornwall,' thoughts, when I was approached by a boy. Maybe he was about 9 or 10.

'Are you the wife of the gentleman who is currently walking to the car park? He says you produce rather fine cuisine.'

Well, it seemed not entirely out of the question that I was said wife. So I answererd in the affirmative.

'He thought you would like to know that we have been collecting razor clams and are selling them at a rather enticing price.'

'Really? What are razor clams?'

He explained slowly so I could follow him.

'So how do you cook them?'

Another patient explanation followed.....and at the end he threw in the useful tip that they are really quite delicious with olive oil and garlic. Hmmm.

'So would you like to buy some? 10 for £1 or the whole lot - at least 100 for £10.'

Well.....how intriguing. I looked at the boy who held a large bucket of clams, and at his younger sister who held the smaller bucket.

'Why, yes. I would love to buy 10 razor clams!'

The younger sister, clearly a new counter, carefully extracted one razor clam at a time from her bucket and placed them on my hand, counting each one out loud. The brother produced a poly bag to put them in, and then I produced a £1 coin.

'Thank you. It's been a pleasure to do business with you,' he declared.

He shook my hand, and they took their buckets and their clams and wandered off......

Love this saying yes to life stuff.....all sorts of interesting experiences ensue. Razor clams for lunch ....and I think I might have met a future winner of 'The Apprentice'!

Still Breathing.....

I love stories, and particularly enjoyed the one Jonathan Nunn told on the recent Breathing course. Here is my memory of it (how easy is it to remember and accurately reproduce what you have heard? And how often do we 'tell the story' of what happened to us....inaccurately......in our distorted version? But that's another story.....)

A man heard of a very wise guru that lived high up in the mountains, who was reputed to have the ability to give genies to people. This sounded amazing and highly desirable...so the man set off to find the guru. After much travelling he found him, and asked the guru if it was true that he could conjure up genies. The guru nodded, so the man said that he would like one. The guru declined to produce one for him. The man was determined to have one and began to use all his powers of persuasion to persuade the guru to produce a genie for him.

After several days of using his persuasive skills the guru agreed to produce a genie. The genie, the guru said, would do anything the man asked him to do, but he must take care to keep the genie occupied at all times; if he wasn't occupied the genie would produce a sword and cut the man to pieces. He checked that the man still wanted one, but it seemed he did.

So the genie was produced. At first the man asked him to build him a mansion, thinking that that would keep the genie occupied for a long time. But in the twinkling of an eye, he had his mansion. Quickly he asked the genie to build an orchard. Again, in an instant it appeared. As the man paused to think of something else he saw the genie take out his sword and move towards the man. 'And now make me a feast,' he said, becoming desperate to think of things to prevent the genie from killing him.

After a short space of time the man realised why the wise guru had been so reluctant to give him the genie; it was a nightmare! Thinking fast, he asked the genie to take him back to the guru, and in a split second they were there. The man begged the guru to take the genie back, saying that he couldn't keep thinking of things for him to do....it was impossible...and there was no peace.....and no rest. 'Please take him back!' the man begged.

Surprisngly the guru refused. But he was a very wise guru, and he gave the unfortunate man with the genie the following advice: When you have no work for the genie, ask him to build a helter-skelter and instruct him to climb up to the top, slide down to the bottom and keep doing that until you have another instruction for him.

The man smiled. He knew now how to control the genie.

What is the genie? Our active minds. As soon as we have finished doing some really useful or creative thinking what happens?

When we don't require our conscious mind to think, we can park it, rather like the genie on the helter-skelter, on the breath. As we focus on the in-breath, then the out-breath, our mind doesn't have time for all the unhelpful waffle it so often is tempted into.

Breathing and Bellies!

Recently I attended a fascinating two-day workshop at the beautiful Hawkwood College in Stroud, run by Dr David Beales and Jonathon Nunn. The subject: Mindfulness and the Breath.

I've been aware for some time that the way we breathe has a powerful physiological and psychological effect on our bodies, but wanted more detailed input on exactly how this works and how I can alter my breathing to further my own well-being.

I learned so much that it is a challenge to fit it all into one blog....so this might be the first of many!

On the second day David introduced us to a capnographer: a device that measures our carbon di-oxide levels in our outbreath. In turn we were invited to hook our nostrils up to a tube and simply breath. How difficult could that be? Well, in my case, very! How interesting to notice that when it was my turn to breathe and have the subsequent display of my carbon di-oxide levels on the screen for everyone to look at, I discovered I could do an old pattern of nervousness really easily. And of course my breathing reflected that. David used his lovely language to help me take myself back to a place of calm......to notice my feet as they connected to the floor....to recall the things we had talked about earlier....and it helped a little. Then he mentioned the 'soft belly' - the one that babies and children have naturally and easily. It was a bit like a switch for me. As I relaxed my belly, so I relaxed; my breathing slowed and became calm. David pointed out that this was a great anchor for me, which it was...and still is.

Since that discovery moment I have been intrigued to notice how much of the time I've been instinctively doing 'tight belly' (and not because my muscle tone is superb!) and how that effectively means I'm doing a degree of stress. Moving to 'soft belly' means that I can change my state really easily. It also means I have to eschew the notion of flat tummy which is so often held up as an ideal  in our current culture. Doing so is an act of love for me; it means I am valuing myself and my own well-being above what other people might think of me.

An interesting side-effect of 'soft belly' is that after a few days, my belly became softer and smaller. Not surprising really, when you consider the effect of sending messages of love and relaxation to the gut area rather than stress. But I wonder if the same effect would have been achieved if I had done 'soft belly' with the express intention of reducing its size. I suspect not. Intention is all.

What can we learn from Harry Potter?

It's the end of an era. The last Harry Potter film has been celebrated, shown and viewed.

We went to the 2D version, the 3D having been fully booked up for ages. And it felt cathartic. The whole cinema applauded at the end - something that rarely happens - but which creates a rather delightful feeling of community and belonging to something bigger than ourselves.

Then I began thinking about what I could learn from this last filmic episode.

I was struck most of all by three qualities: intention, determination and committment. At the start of the film we re-connect with Harry's intention to destroy the horcruxes. This was the mission that Harry had been given by Dumbledore, and his strong intention is to carry out this mission. His intention set his direction rather like a rudder sets the direction for a boat.

How many times was he thwarted? I've lost count! There was the time in Gringott's vault when all the objects kept multiplying; there was the time in the Room of Requirement when he faced engulfing flames; the time when he was about to be discovered in Hogsmeade.....you know the rest. And what kept Harry going? I think it was his determination to complete the task, and his belief that the task was do-able.

And lastly there is Harry's committment. When he has to fight Voldemort he is totally committed to the task. You can tell by the expression on his face and his body posture. Total committment. He fights with 100%. He gives it, not a good shot, but his very best shot. And did he win the fight? Actually, no. At least not in the short term. But I think that when we operate with intention, determination and committment....then magic can happen. And it did for Harry.

Harry is a certainly a key figure.....but the other character that stood out for me was Neville Longbottom. Neville, who found learning how to do spells difficult; who had various mishaps throughout his school career; who was always losing Trevor, his toad; who never looked as if he would turn into a hero....is the one who comes up trumps in the end in a most spectacular fashion! It reminds me of a verse in the Bible I have always been fond of. It's from Corinthians and goes something like, 'God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.'

There are so many things we can learn from these wonderful books and films.....I imagine it's a subject that I will return to again and again......

Long live Harry Potter!

Follow Your Bliss....

I can't remember exactly how long ago it was that I first came across and read Joseph Campbell's books 'The Hero with a Thousand Faces' and 'Pathways to Bliss', but it was years ago. And the idea of following one's bliss seemed instincitvely appealing....and also practically unlikely.

I've been re-visitng this idea recently. Having worked as a Lightning Process practitioner for 3 years, I started noticing that, for me, there was a degree of unease about my role delivering, essentially, someone else's versions of how we move forward with our lives, and what needs to be in place to do that. As I continued to tune into this feeling and the possibility that it might be time for me to move on, I began to consider what I truly wanted to do with my life. What, indeed, constituted my bliss...and was it practically possible for me to follow it?

What happened when I started flirting with the idea of doing something else was interesting. First of all a couple of opportunities arose for me to work in a more spiritual context, which seemed to be a lovely way of amalgamating two aspects of me. Then I started finding myself becoming more creative and productive. Excitement began to grow....

When the decision to move on was finally made, I had already begun a journey of creativity and possibility.  And this has continued and been blessed (yes, I use a spiritual word deliberately) by chance meetings with people, collaborative meetings, and what I might describe as an explosion of possibility.

The experience I wrote about in my last blog has been another milestone on the journey forwards, bringing an even greater awareness of love and compassion into the work I do and reminding me of the close links between mind, music and spirituality.

So, in some ways I am able to regard myself as an a experiment. What happens when we follow our bliss? At this stage in the experiment I can report that good  things happen.

I think Joseph Campbell would approve......

Towards Silence

I have had a rather extraordinary few hours.

Last night I went to a performance of John Tavener's latest work 'Towards Silence' in Truro Cathedral. Four quartets positioned at distant points around the cathedral to form a cross; a Tibetan prayer bowl in the gallery. Sounds emerging, converging, creating, moving, gaps, voices, mantras, chimes......the vibrations of the prayer bowl left hanging in the air...until they too were sucked back into time and space. We sat whilst everyone left in silence, the dying sounds of footsteps part of the sense of exit. Eventually we too left, but confronted with the chatter of everyday life, quickly returned to the cathedral space, not yet ready to emerge from the womb of enchantment.

And today the sense of having met with another world remains. At lunchtime the privelege of listening to Prof Paul Robertson, Dr Peter Fenwick, Prof Ray Tallis in company with Prof Tony Pinching, discussing in the Knowledge Spa, a place of academic and medical learning, the subject of spirituality, mind and music; to hear doctors and consultants talk about the importance and value of love in all they do; to make connections.with people who just seem to have been placed in one's path; to share a new vision with new people.

A sense of wonder; a sense of awe; a sense of being so very blessed.

ME: Healing The Past

There comes a time when we feel ready to look at, and heal the past.

I've been musing over this recently. A few weeks ago, during ME awareness week, Dr Hilary Jones talked about the Lightning Process on the 'Lorraine' TV show. They featured a lady called Ginetta before and after she did the Lightning Process.

What interested me was the backlash from some ME groups and sufferers speaking out vociferously against this item. Such strength of feeling being expressed against the Lightning Process and Dr Jones! The fact that someone had improved their health and well-being was pretty much ignored.

The second casue for reflection was attending a reseach seminar where Prof Peter White talked about the results of the PACE trial. This RCT (randomised controlled trial) looked at 4 interventions for ME: SMC (standard medical care),Pacing, CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and GET (graded exercise therapy). The two that showed most benefit were CBT and GET; Pacing and SMC seemed to have little positive effect.  It seems that extending the boundaries of capability is a more effective way of improving the life of someone with ME than remaining within the boundaries. Crucially, the statistics showed that neither CBT or GET made people worse; this was specifically targetted becasue it had been one of the concerns of the ME community.

As well as explaining the research results, Prof White showed us extracts of responses from the medical community to the piece of research; these reflected that the research community held this research in high regard as a piece of research. He then showed us extracts from responses from the ME community via some, though not all, of the major self-help groups. They expressed anger and horror at both the methodology and results of the trial. Requests were made to The Lancet to remove the piece of research; they were declined..

I used to be one of the ME community, so I understand where these responses are coming from; they have fought for years to have their illness recognised, to receive benefits, to gain carers etc. It has been a battle. However, there appears, in the process, to have developed a huge mistrust between those who try to help them and the ME community itself. That mistrust has developed into, in some cases, bitter anger.

Is it now time to heal the past? What would need to happen for us to do that? Do we, as people who work with ME sufferers, need to listen even more carefully to them? Are they able to listen to us? What needs to happen for them to be able to rejoice in the fact that CBT and GET (and I would add Lightning Process - which has at least anecdotal evidence of people recovering) enable people to get better?

 As a practitioner who works with people with ME, and as someone who once had that illness, I want to find a way of healing the past, and moving into a brighter future for us all. Is it now time to heal the past?

Using NLP to deal with a cold....and work!

I was interested to read Justin Collinge's post in the latest Kaizen newsletter. This was a departure from Justin's usual contributions, in that he chose to write it in poetry. He has very kindly agreed to let me post it here. Another example of how we can use these fascinating NLP tools to enable us to live positive, fruitful lives. Here is Justin on colds......

"We know we're not at the mercy of how we feel and can choose our state. Just how much choice do we have? Below is a recount of a recent training event where I was faced with the chance to test this:

The night before

I’d gone to bed sore

My throat on fire and my nose red raw.

The cold had been stalking me

And now, like a grinning gargoyle,

I welcome them back to day three

With great expectations,

hope and elations,

and a few reservations

they sat and they waited

for me to share my wisdom.

But my strength soaked away

like rain on dry ground

I found

I was shaking.

With my head full of cloud

there was no mistaking

I should be in bed

not in front of this crowd.

Then I recalled

that I could change my state.

Though my energy was stalled

I could create

the strength I needed,

and could choose how to feel

it wasn’t just ‘fate’.

Physiology – my shoulders back, and I breathe deep,

Put a smile on my face which I keep

as I step onto the floor.

Focus – not on my tale of woe,

I transfer my attention where I need it to go

On the eager faces and their readiness to throw

themselves in and learn even more.

Language – As I started, I choose not to bore

with tales of sickness

and nasal ickiness

But spoke of health and happiness -

And suddenly it wasn’t a chore.

The day went well,

and the evaluations were as good as any I’d ever got

My ailing health I simply forgot

and the show went on.

It was about half way home I remembered again

how I wasn’t well and my aching brain,

and nose, and throat - and now chest as well

needed looking after.

I no longer needed to excel

so I struggled home and took to my bed

Aware somewhere inside it was,

at least partly,

all in my head!"

Lovely blend of managing our state .... and common sense. We have a choice. Hope the last bit included a hot toddy....

If you'd like to find out more about Justin and the Kaizen team you can find them at www.kaizen-training.com 

---

ME Awareness week: a message of hope.

The fact that ME is in the news this week has focused my attention once more on what an unpleasant and miserable illness this is.

When I was ill, there were hardly any stories of people who had recovered from it, and the general consensus was that if you were going to get better, it would happen within the first two years. I remember hitting the 5 year mark and descending briefly into despair. I hadn't heard of anyone who had recovered after such a long period of time. My lovely consultant refused to let me wallow in such sad stories, and told me that he knew of people who had recovered after even longer. A glimmer of hope.

What is different now is that there are so many people whose stories of ME recovery are out there. I am now one of many. The good news that I really want to shout from the rooftops to all those who have been diagnosed with ME or CFS, or those who live with or care for them, is that it is possible improve, to get better and to recover. I did the Lightning Process and recovered by learning how to change my body's responses, and was so amazed by what I learned that I decided to train to be a practitioner, so I could use my own experience to help others. I have been doing this for the past 3 years, and have seen many people improve their lives. It takes work and committment, for sure, and is not without its challenges...but it is do-able. Other people recover using different approaches. But the important thing to note is that improvement and recovery are now real possiblities. What a difference from when I was ill.

Telling Stories....

Last night I was chatting with someone who hadn't known me when I was ill, and they were asking questions, expressing surprise at the answers. Yes, we had a stairlift, and all the other paraphenalia that disability tends to bring. Yes, I had carers. It seemed so strange. Here was I, vibrantly healthy, talking about a past that seemed to belong to someone else. And yet it was all true. I told 'my story' and yet it didn't feel like' my story'; I was quite disocciated from it. I wasn't that person any more. 


Fast forward to this morning, when I woke up telling myself a very convincing story about how much I had to do this week, how busy it was going to be, how difficult etc etc. And did I believe it? Yes! Fortunately, I caught myself mid-story and stopped. Was the a useful story to be spinning on Monday morning? No! Was there another story I could tell which was equally 'true', but more useful? Yes! 


So....the story I'm telling myself this morning is that, in a recession,  I am so lucky/blessed that I have a full appointment diary this week, that I am priveleged that people trust me enough to tell me their stories, and brave enough to want to ask for help to change their 'stuff'. How lucky am I that clients want to share with me their changes. How different does it feel to tell that story? It has changed my outlook for the week, my feelings of gratitude, and therefore my feelings of happines, and my body is relaxed and my mind positive.


Story telling....powerful stuff!

Creating Ourselves

I've recently been reading Cordelia Fine's excellent book, 'Delusions of Gender'. She mentions some research carried out by Adam Galinsky and colleagues, where participants are shown pictures of people including a cheerleader, professor, elderly man and an African American man. Participants were then asked to actually BE that person and write their diary for an entire day.

After they had done this, participants were asked to rate some of their own qualities. Perhaps not too surprisingly, those who had imagined they were the cheerleader rated themselves as more gorgeous, sexy and attractive than the control group; those who imagined themselves to be professors felt smarter; the elderly man felt  weaker and more dependent; and the African American man imaginers felt more agressive and athletic.

By imagining themselves to be someone else, the participants had altered their concept of themselves. The study goes on to demonstrate that this change in self-concept is translated into changes in behaviour.

This seems to me to be a powerful demonstration of the way we can create, not only gender, but also many other aspects of ourselves. And for those of us who have worked with NLP strategies ourselves, and with others, we know from first-hand expeerience that it is literally possible to create the sort of person you want to be.

So the questions for us all are: 'Do we want to keep being unconsciously created by forces that appear to sweep us along? Or do we want to consciously create the sort of person we want to become?' The first is much easier; the second far more challenging......yet what price being able to become the sort of people we have always wanted to be?

Now....who shall I imagine being today?!

Concert Observation

I was very lucky to be given a free concert ticket last week. I've been to concerts at the Hall for Cornwall many times since my recovery; this one was particularly interesting for two reasons.

First, the free ticket was for a prime position: five rows from the front, and dead centre. It's the row which you can walk infront of....and the row where wheelchair-users are given places, as the seats can be easily removed. There was a gap just beside me, and an elderly lady in a wheelchair, pushed by an elderly man arrived and took up position. I was aware of the man wheeling her into place, putting on the brakes, lifting her up so her position was more comfortable etc. It felt strange to be watching it from the perspective of onlooker; a few years ago I would have been the wheelchair participant....equally kindly being manoevered and arranged into my place by my partner.

Secondly, on my other side was another elderly lady. She seemed quite popular; lots of people came up to her, pleased - and surprised - to see her. Apparently she'd had a knee operation recently. What fascinated me was the way in which she talked about her recent op and ongoing recovery. She briefly mentioned discomfort and very quickly moved on to talk about how delighted she was to be at the concert, and how every day it was getting better. She was an expert at filtering for useful information, and minimsing less useful information. She compeletely stepped into all the positives and neatly avoided stepping into anything less positive. If I was the sort of person who made predictions, I would predict she would make a speedy recovery!

Matilda's Story

Matilda is a 10yr old girl I worked with nearly a year ago. It was a delight to see her shake off Chronic Fatigue and come to life. I spoke to her once after she completed Lightning Process, and hadn't heard from her since then. I thought about her from time to time and wondered what she was up to. Last week I received this e-mail from her mother, who is happy for me to share it with you.

"Matilda is doing so brilliantly, we are all really impressed and very happy. Here are some of her achievements since the LP course:

• Last week she completed a 7.5 mile sponsored walk for Comic Relief (we did actually train to run this cross country course but the teachers changed their mind about letting them run the day before).
• Matilda has completed her first half term with 100% attendance at school. Last term she only had two days off!
• At her new school they have 8 hours of PE and swimming a week and she has become incredibly fit. She has represented the school at Netball.
• She has taken up ballet again.
• Matilda has taken her grade 1 in piano.
• We have just dropped the use of all her Asthma inhalers as the sympotms have gradually disappeared over the last year.

The results have been fantastic and Matilda's life and ours has been transformed. She is very happy and I would strongly recommend Julia's LP course to anyone with ME; in fact I have already."

Great work from Matilda...and all her family! 

Flying High

I was sitting in the departure lounge of Newquay airport last Monday at 3.30pm, working on my laptop and waiting to board the 4pm flight to Glasgow. Over the tannoy came a message for all travellers (12 of us!) for Glasgow to go to Gate 4. Encouraging. I packed up my laptop and obediently proceeded to Gate 4. When we were all present and correct, we were told that the plane had broken.....and they could neither fix it nor find another one. So there wouldn't be another flight to Glasgow until tomorrow afternoon. And please could we follow them to collect our luggage.

There followed a few seconds of 'Aaaaaargh!' Well - ok - it might have been nearer a minute! I was due in Perth at 9am the following morning to begin a 3 day Lightning Process course at 9.30am. After indulging in a few seconds of 'disaster movie', I paused and made a choice. I could indeed keep going with my wonderful movie, with all its accompanying physiological whoosh of stress hormones.....or I could decide to be calm and work out what was the best response. I chose to take 5 minutes to think calmly and make rational choices.....so much easier without stress hormones tilting me towards reactive behaviour.

At the end of 5 minutes I was able to see the situation quite differently. First of all, I was so grateful to all the technicians involved in looking after the planes for spotting that this one was broken; so much better for all of us to have discovered this BEFORE we took off. I was thankful that, unusually, my partner had decided to come on this trip too - I was not alone. We rang our son, who, having dropped us at the airport not long ago, now kindly returned to ferry us home again. More thanks. Our daughter made us a cracking packed tea whilst we were returning home, which gave us sustenance and joy as we drove up to Scotland. Thank you.

There were more choices to make as we drove up North. I could be cross, frustrated, angry, worried etc etc Or I could choose to look ahead and start preparing for the following day. How did I want to feel when I arrived? Exhausted or refreshed? Stressed or relaxed? Obvious, really, but it involved making a choice to see myself as refreshed and relaxed.

So often we buy into the idea that we don't have a choice, that 'things' happen to us and that our responses are inevitable. It's simply not true. There is always a choice to make. And the choices we make alter the experience we have.

Life's Engine Houses

Saturday was one of those sublime Spring days in Cornwall: sunshine, blue skies, turquoise sea, breeze and birds delighting in their freedom. I headed out to Chapel Porth, my favourite cove, and began walking around the coastal path to St Agnes Head.

The first section of the path takes you upwards from the cove fairly rapidly, then the path becomes gentler. The sound and sight of the waves crashing onto the shore was mesmerising. As I walked I noticed that there was an old Engine House coming into my sightline up ahead; these ancient and often ruined buildings are littered along the Cornish coastline. I continued to climb and the once distant Engine House drew closer and closer. I watched as it grew in size....and before long, I was standing beside it, small, as it towered above me. I drew breath, then moved on, this time sighting the headland. When I reached the headland I turned back to see the Engine House so recently huge, now a small memory on the path.

It got me thinking about landmarks, and how we see things in the future. Sometimes they loom, growing ever bigger in our vision...and then, often all too quickly, we pass them, move on and their size changes. Perspective is everything. The Engine House remains the same size it ever was...but my perception of its size and my relation to it, changes with every step.

It seems to me that this is similar to the landmarks of my own life. I can look back at places, people, events and achievements of the past, which, when experienced, were huge...and yet now, with the perspective of distance, are small. And yet, like the tall chimney of the Engine House, these things remain as landmarks on my life; things by which I can plot my journey. And as I look ahead to the future, I can see all sorts of interesting landmarks that are just coming into view. Head down. Deep breath. Keep breathing. Like those in the past, these too will come, will be awesome....and go.

A Different Day

A poem penned by a lovely client, after the first day of Lightning Process.

A Different Day

I woke and knew that this would be

A different kind of day

Hot tea, a kiss - a loving hug -

And I was bravely on my way

***

Through February lanes that once

Like ropes

Had bound me to the house,

Unfurling, now, like sunlit paths

To a Way of Life and Hope

***

And, on the back seat, Anxious Thoughts

Had joined me for the ride

Yet, as we sped to Devoran down Cornwall's wooded spine

Their petty, whining, fearful voices

Started to subside

***

My head was full of beauty

Muffling the sound

New vistas, towns and villages,

Suddenly, I found

New feelings in my limbs and mind

Blocking the rear view

New highways clearing in my head

Everything seemed new

***

Think calm thoughts, and you'll be calm

The beasts in your woods might well have gone

A hint that all might well be well

Has me driving West to lift the spell

***

I park the car

The Voices sleep

And two brave women I now meet,

Brave, because they share with me

Their gifts of freedom, hope and vulnerability

***

Today, I left my home

An anxious, moaning little mouse

And then a lady shone a light,

A bright illuminating thought:

I du my fear

I du my hurt

I du my tired and weary life

I du, I du, I du ...

I DON'T!

And what's more

I WON'T, I WON'T!

***

And, suddenly, a tiger strode

Along that shaft of proffered light

The Coach asked,

"Who, exactly, would you like to be?"

I smiled and knew,

"That Tiger's Me!"

Emma Staughton February 2011

Well done! WELL DONE!!

This week I have had the experience of several people in different contexts telling me that I have done particular things rather well. And I must say that it felt very good. Very good indeed. At the time. 

Later, I noticed a rather curious phenomenon. I was strangely reluctant to engage with the activities that had been deemed praise-worthy. What was going on? After sitting with this reluctance for a while to familiarise myself with it, I discovered that it was exactly the same phenomenon that my coffee shop friend had talked to me about a few weeks ago: Attachment.

When I become attached to the outcome of my efforts, and particularly when I rely on other people's judgements of my efforts, stress, misery and procrastination lie ahead; when I do things with full attention on the activity involved because I love it, want to do it, believe in it, I can take pleasure in the 'doing' of it. It's not that the outcomes are irrelevant; they are highly relevant, but noticing them and moving on from them feels so much better than trying to hold on to them, striving to achieve them, and failing to engage with the journey that got me there in the first place. 

So.....to praise or not to praise? There is a large body of research documenting the effects of praise on children. In short, praising the effort taken appears to have a motivational effect; praising the outcome is less effective. If you hear me saying, 'Oh, good effort!' this week...you'll know why.

Valentine's Day 2007: the turning point.....

Valentine's Day 2007. 


I had been bed-ridden for several months, unable to feed myself or move. For the past few weeks I had been experimenting with completely switching off any mental thought process, and allowing my body to totally relax. I started doing this for 30mins 4 times a day and as I seemed better in this state than out of it, I increased it....and spent 5 or 6 hours a day in this state of suspended animation. During this time my partner found out about Lightning Process, and I knew that it was possible for people to recover from ME. I made a very strong decision that when I began to move and function again it would be as a well person.


My partner came home early on Valentine's Day, especially to make afternoon tea for me. I wanted to do something special for him, but my options seemed extremely  limited. So I decided that I would begin to experiment with teaching myself how to be a well person....and surprise him. Without telling him, I practised sitting up by myself in bed, and getting out of bed, and standing for a few seconds. Before I moved a muscle, I imagined how it would feel to sit up, and get up and stand as a well person. I imagined how healthy muscles would feel as they moved, what my posture would be like as a well person. I imagined it, then I did it.


Whilst my partner was making tea downstairs, I imagined not only getting out of bed, but also walking out of my bedroom to the stairlift, and sitting on it. Every time, I imagined what it would feel like to do it with a healthy body. Then, reminding myself of my commitment to do everything as a well person, or not at all, I got up and walked out of my bedroom to the stairlift. I paused, then pressed the buzzer. My partner heard the noise, and  appeared with a considerable degree of alarm! I told him that I was coming downstairs - the first time in many months - and that we would have tea together in the lounge. 


When the stairlift arrived in the hall, I paused again. My partner brought the wheelchair, and I told him that I wouldn't be using it. The walk to the bay window in the lounge was further than I had walked in a very long time. I set off, and started doing wobble and weak legs. I immediately returned to the stairlift, sat down, and began calmly going over in my mind how it would feel to make this walk as a well person. Then, reminding myself once more that I was going to walk as a well person, I walked confidently into the lounge. 


I can't tell you how delicious that tea tasted! And what a pleasure it was to be sitting and sharing Valentine's Day with my partner, like a normal person. This was the turning point; we both knew that after 9 years of illness I would, in time, be able to get completely well again. 


Valentine's Day is a special day for us.....

The effects of language

As an English teacher I am fascinated by how authors use language to create effects for the reader. We spend a lot of time helping students to unravel how it is that we feel excited, sad, or intrigued when we read a certain passage.

And that got me thinking about how little time we spend time looking at our own language, and the techniques that we use to create our own feelings of excitement, depression or joy. We all talk to ourselves (I don't think it's a sign of madness....) but what sort of language do we use? Do we express ourselves in negatives or positives? Do we say, "I don't want to feel too stressed when I'm doing 'x'", or do we say, "I want to feel really calm when I'm doing 'x'"? They are both attempting to convey the same information.....but the effect they create for our brains is quite different.

It would be an interesting exercise to look at all our conversation, both with other people and ourselves, and apply the same analytical tools that we apply to texts. I'm going to do it myself....and I'd be really interested to hear of anyone else's analysis.....Do I use particular extended metaphors? Is my language peppered with peculiar words? Are my sentences short or long when I'm feeling relaxed? In short, what is going on when I  speak??

 Tom Stoppard once said that when asked questions about his play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, he feels like he's standing at customs watching an official ransack his luggage. He cheerfully declares responsibility for a play about two people, and suddenly the officer is finding all manner of exotic contraband like the nature of God and identity, and while he can't deny that they're there, he can't for the life of him remember putting them there. 


So it is for us.....we can't remember how our language came to contain all it currently does....but once we are conscious and aware of it....then we have the opportunity to change it.

More coffee shop capers.....

I've mentioned before that I'm a fan of coffee shops....and it's not only me who finds them places of inspiration. My partner is of a similar persuasion, though his tastes are slightly different from mine. Whereas I'm a Cafe Nero woman, he's a Costa man. So Saturday morning finds us both ensconced in our respective favourites, accompanied by books, journals, newspapers.....coffee and pastry (almond croissant for me; chocolate twist for him).

Recently a friend of mine told me an interesting story about her own relationship with coffee shops. On one of her initial visits she happened on a particularly comfy seat with a rather pleasant view, which made the whole cappuccino experience even better. On her next visit as she approached the serving counter she noticed that she was looking round anxiously for the comfy seat, with a strong desire to bag it and occupy it. The seat was taken. She was filled with disappointment. On the next visit she notice feeling stressed even before she entered the shop....she 'knew' that the experience would be spoiled if she couldn't get 'that' seat; she saw it vacant, pushed through the crowds to drape her coat over it to save it for her. After a few such visits she realised that the whole coffee shop experience had become a source of stress, because the story she started telling herself long before she got into the shop was that if she didn't get that particular seat, the morning was spoiled. What a genius!

Once she'd spotted what she was doing, she decided to re-frame the whole experience and tell herself a different story. She consciously avoided looking for any seating until she had her coffee. Then, if the comfy seat was taken, she took pleasure in the fact that someone else was enjoying the seat and view. She told herself that the coffee would taste just as good wherever she sat. She redeemed the coffee shop experience.

It made me realise how important and influential are the stories we tell ourselves. They can lead to stress....or they can lead to pleasure. And the really interesting thing about stories is that we often don't even notice we are telling them!

Recovery milestones

I've recently had a couple of truly inspiring e-mails from a teenager who did LP with me almost a year ago. It's a joy for me to read of her journey and all the changes she's made....and also some of the challenges she's dealt with. As she approaches her year 'anniversary' of doing LP she wants to celebrate! And I love the way she is planning to do this. She's going to make two collages: one showing all the things she's achieved during the past year and another one showing all the things she's going to be doing in the next year. Hope she sends me a photo of them!

I can remember my own recovery, and how, in the year after, I kept noticing things that I was doing for the first time since I was well: the first time I lifted the kettle and made Iain a cup of tea; the first time I shopped in a supermarket and hadn't got a clue what to do with my debit card and the machine thing, which had appeared at some point during my 9 ill years; the first time I drove a car; the first time I made a cake; the first time I ran on the beach; and one of the most significant milestones when I lifted my wheelchair onto the lorry that came to take it away! It's a precious time.....and it's really good for our brains when we celebrate the milestones, no matter how big or how small....emotion helps to secure those good feelings, and cement the delight in our brains.

Let's notice, celebrate, remember.

A return to 'A Return to Love'.

I had a conversation last night, when I heard myself using some language that I associate with 'old Julia'. It was interesting to hear myself saying these things.....and to hear the sub-text of 'I'm not good enough'. Fascinating!

It reminded me of a quote from Marianne Williamson's book 'A Return to Love', which is now quite well-known, and it struck me again so powerfully that I wanted to share it on my blog:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Eliminate Anxiety?

Recently, I was asked by a prospective client to assist them in 'eliminating anxiety' from their life. It was an interesting request. Certainly I could see that he would benefit from altering his anxiety levels, but I could not in all honesty take him on as a client, with the aim of eliminating anxiety.

Why? First, because I believe that all our emotions are useful for us at specific times. Anxiety can alert us to the fact that we are about to be mugged, for example, and allows us to create the best physiological state for us to respond to the situation. Eliminating his anxiety response would mean he was less able to be fully human and experience the range of emotions that accompany our humanity.

Secondly, when we want to eliminate some aspect of ourselves, it suggests that we are also rejecting that part of ourselves. And I am increasingly convinced that ACCEPTANCE rather than rejection, is a much more effective way of enabling us to move forwards. If we notice, then accept, we create a completely different psychological and also physiological state.

Thirdly, I was much more interested in helping him to create more of what he DOES want in his life!

I am reminded of the conclusion of my last post: 'Love matters'. Love not only matters when we are dealing with students, clients, family, friends....it also matters hugely when we are dealing with ourselves. Love matters. Let's love all parts of ourselves....even those parts that perhaps we have labelled as undesirable. Let's take the fight and rejection out of it.....and bring love and acceptance into our lives.

What matters? Love matters.

Spent a lovely evening last night at a joint Churches Together service at Truro Methodist Church. I realised anew, that at the heart of the Christian message is the message of love. And then I started thinking about what is at the heart of every therapeutic thing that we do.....

I remember being given an English GCSE class to teach in a 6th form college. I was taking over from another teacher who had gone on sick leave, and was told the class were 'the dregs'; they weren't expected to pass their GCSE, but the college received money for 'bums on seats' so they had to provide a teacher for them. They were certainly a challenging class to teach, and it became clear early on that wading through the GCSE syllabus was fairly pointless. So I started to ask them about their lives, their stories, to listen to them. Not surprisingly they told of hardship, poverty, suffering and discrimination. And for a few minutes towards the end of the session, I would throw in some English for good measure. They were bemused. We continued in this way, slowly building relationships.

One girl missed the deadline for her coursework. I remembered her telling me that she worked at McDonalds, so I rang them up, found her, and arranged to meet her to collect her coursework. More bemusement.

My reward? College results for English GCSE were, to my memory, about 38%; my 'dregs' 52%.

What matters? Love matters.

'Slow down everybody, you're moving too fast' Jack Johnson

I've long been bemused by what seems to be a paradox: the more I take time to meditate, rest, pray, breathe....the more work I seem to accomplish. It shouldn't make sense...yet it does.

This week I came across Deepak Chopra's book The Soul Leadership, where he focuses on, amongst other things, what Eastern spiritual traditions sometimes call 'nondoing'.....which is considered more powerful than 'doing'. I like the idea of non-doing, not in a lazy sense, but in a conscious, chosen sense, where the Universe, God's will, or whatever language you feel most comfortable with, is allowed to unfold, and not co-erced into being by our action. I know that this involves a degree of trust....and this is what I will be focusing on this week.

So if you see me just sitting...you will know that that I'm not bored or lazy or confused.....but that I'm practising the art of non-doing!

Wired for Joy!

Just reading a fascinating book: The Pathway by Laurel Mellin. Her next book is called Wired for Joy....and I can't wait to read that one! Her thesis is very similar to the philosophy behind Lightning Process: it is possible to re-train our brains to produce balance and joy in our lives.....so that we can become, over time 'Wired for Joy'.

As a medic, Mellin, draws on research that supports the notion that it is possible to re-wire our brains; that neural plasticity is alive and well. What I particularly like about Mellin's approach is her focus on the two skills of nurturing and setting limits. She suggests that people who resort to external solutions and un-helpful patterns such as food, over-work, perfectionism, alcohol, drugs etc have failed to learn two basic and essential skills: nurturing themselves adequately and setting reasonable limits. The good news is that we can learn to do this, whatever age and stage we are at.

Lightning Process News

Great to see that the Sussex and Kent ME/CFS society credit Lightning Process as the intervention that was most helpful. A credit to those ex-sufferers who have worked to achieve their improvements....and to all those wonderful practitioners who have shown them the way. Here is the link if you want to read more about it:

http://www.prnewswire.co.uk/cgi/news/release?id=308421

The more you give the more you get?

I have quite a few clients who are artists, not surprising when you live somewhere as beautiful as Cornwall.

I worked with one such client this morning. In fact I'd worked with them before, and was doing this session as a 'freebie' for various reasons. At the end of the session just before they left, they gave me a most beautiful work of art, 'just something small' they said,' as a thank you for the free session'. I was - and still am - bowled over.

What a lovely example of giving and receiving freely.

MOOOOODLE!

Just returned from INSET day at school, and amongst the usual updating of information and IT skills, there was a fascinating session on MOODLE. Now I've heard of moodle, know my kids use it at uni, but have never contemplated the idea that I could usefully use it. Not only have I discovered that I CAN use it, as in am sufficiently IT-compatible, I think there are all sorts of ways I could use it, not just for students, but how about a resource place for clients to access info? Am getting excited......

AND there was an excellent session on Behaviour Management. It's simple really....we just treat students as dogs.....

The Joy of Coffee Shops

My usual routine on Saturday mornings when I'm working in Cornwall, is to head off early to Cafe Nero in Falmouth. I spend a delicious 30 mins with a capuccino and my notebook, and look back over the previous week.....high points, things to learn etc. It helps me focus for the next week, and tweak my own performance.

However, today I wanted to look back over the whole year and ahead to next year, and somehow Falmouth didn't seem far enough away. So I took myself off to West Cornwall Retail Park for reflection and review, and yes, I know a retail park seems a strange place to reflect when I have the miles of golden sands of Hayle only minutes away....but it works for me. Had a great time.....AND got some end of sale bargains from Next and M&S! 2011 - bring it on!

'If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.' Einstein

So... the New Year has been celebrated, I've walked around Gunwalloe and Church Cove and seen the crashing waves, felt singularly small, watched a manic puppy on the beach, came home and felt inspired to rustle up a cake.

Whilst I was doing it I was musing on my cake-baking and cooking skills generally. They could probably be summed up by the phrase 'joyous and messy'. And I realised that if I keep cooking the way I have done so far....I will always be a joyous and messy cook. So what if I want to change and keep the joyous bit but not the 'messy' bit, how would I do that? I remember Einstein's 'If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.' SO I decided to do something different....and yes, I have baked a cake joyously....and the kitchen is tidy! The first positive change of 2011.

Thank you to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall for his Date and Orange cake recipe in today's Guardian. http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/series/hughfearnleywhittingstallonfood