I've mentioned before that I'm a fan of coffee shops....and it's not only me who finds them places of inspiration. My partner is of a similar persuasion, though his tastes are slightly different from mine. Whereas I'm a Cafe Nero woman, he's a Costa man. So Saturday morning finds us both ensconced in our respective favourites, accompanied by books, journals, newspapers.....coffee and pastry (almond croissant for me; chocolate twist for him).
Recently a friend of mine told me an interesting story about her own relationship with coffee shops. On one of her initial visits she happened on a particularly comfy seat with a rather pleasant view, which made the whole cappuccino experience even better. On her next visit as she approached the serving counter she noticed that she was looking round anxiously for the comfy seat, with a strong desire to bag it and occupy it. The seat was taken. She was filled with disappointment. On the next visit she notice feeling stressed even before she entered the shop....she 'knew' that the experience would be spoiled if she couldn't get 'that' seat; she saw it vacant, pushed through the crowds to drape her coat over it to save it for her. After a few such visits she realised that the whole coffee shop experience had become a source of stress, because the story she started telling herself long before she got into the shop was that if she didn't get that particular seat, the morning was spoiled. What a genius!
Once she'd spotted what she was doing, she decided to re-frame the whole experience and tell herself a different story. She consciously avoided looking for any seating until she had her coffee. Then, if the comfy seat was taken, she took pleasure in the fact that someone else was enjoying the seat and view. She told herself that the coffee would taste just as good wherever she sat. She redeemed the coffee shop experience.
It made me realise how important and influential are the stories we tell ourselves. They can lead to stress....or they can lead to pleasure. And the really interesting thing about stories is that we often don't even notice we are telling them!
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