Archetypes

When I was about half-way through my illness journey, I remember reading 'Sacred Contracts' by Caroline Myss. She presents a wide range of archetypes and we are invited to examine the way we are leading our own lives and to spot the archetypal patterns we are running. The archetypes she mentions include Priest, Poet, Martyr, Puppet, Prostitute and many more. One of the archetypes I felt particularly drawn to was 'Wounded Healer'. And one the huge frustrations of this time was that although I was wounded I definitely wasn't healing! Of course my definition of healing then was largely defined by phsyiological healing, as you might expect from someone in a wheelchair. Looking back I can see that the most important healing of the mind, spirit and emotions was taking place during those years of searching and journeying. Getting the physiological body back to health was the last piece of a complex jigsaw.

I have been reflecting on this archetype recently. Whilst I have learned to make enormous changes in many areas of my life - my partner sometimes says I am a 'completely different person' from the pre-ill me - there are parts of my life where I know there is still work to do. Occasionally I do nervousness. Part of me knows this behaviour belongs to a 'me' of a previous era and is outdated and unnecessary. But despite my tools, knowledge and understanding, I make slow progress in this one area. How fascinating! Though the truth is that I am more often than not infuriated than fascinated!

Working with this part of me I am learning to see it differently, to value it, and to learn from it. It is, in some sense, my membership badge to the group of people I work with. It is part of my identification with the wounded healer archetype. Wounded, I search for the healing, the learning. What brings me forward is also what enables me to help others.

So how do we respond to parts of ourselves that don't seem quite in line with how or what we want to be? As ever, I'm brought back to Love. Love and acceptance for these parts of me that aren't quite ready to be updated and move on. Gentleness and compassion for the parts of me that I know are doing their very best for me. Where does this take me? Out of 'me' and back into God/Love.

It's a rather appropriate time of year to be taken back into Love. 'Love came down at Christmas...'

Happy Christmas x

The BIG Picture

I've had a couple of weeks of interesting reading and experiences. Sometimes I experience things, then find a context or paradigm in which to understand them, and sometimes I have a cognitive understanding of something but the experience comes later. Recent influences have been The Wisdom Jesus by Cynthia Bourgeault, Laurel Mellin's The Pathway, Genpo Roshi's Big Mind and the funeral of a close friend.

I've been musing in the past few weeks about the different ways of 'being' in the world. It seems I have two options for the way I operate. The first way is to operate from a point where 'I' am the starting point, and my 'story', my 'perspective', my 'beliefs' become paramount, and consequently define my feelings and actions. For example, if someone shouts at me I can respond by thinking something along the lines of: 'How dare you shout at me? What have I done? I don't deserve to be shouted at?' And so on. William Blake expresses the consequences of this approach neatly in his poem 'Poison Tree'. 

The point to note about this is that 'I' and 'Me' take centre stage'; it is about the preservation - at all costs - of ego. 

The other way is interesting, and in some senses counter-intuitive. It involves stepping back from self, and into a bigger picture. As I do this I begin to lose my 'story' of what is happening. The more I do it the smaller my 'story' becomes and the less-identified I become with it. As I step into the much bigger picture, at this point I become limited by my language. We could call this bigger picture God, or the Universe, or Christ Consciousness, or Enlightnement.....but I prefer to simply use the word Love...as that is what it feels like. It doesn't feel like a neutral state, a sort of taking out of gear, but a positive, energy-filled, aliveness of celebration and love. 

In this state the old dualistic way of experiencing life disappears....there is no 'me' and 'you' ...there is simply one-ness. Judgement and justification melt away.....

Having experienced this a few times, and noticed the way it changes everything in my perceptual world, I am intrigued by the ways in which I can move into the big picture increasingly easily, no matter what else is going on. My current entry points to this expanded state include prayer (ritual and silent), meditation (again my version of it involves nothing rather than focusing on something), conscious choice, active acceptance, music, chanting, sharing with others. 

It's a bit early for New Year's resolutions......but I think the BIG picture is one I want to cultivate in 2012!