A return to 'A Return to Love'.

I had a conversation last night, when I heard myself using some language that I associate with 'old Julia'. It was interesting to hear myself saying these things.....and to hear the sub-text of 'I'm not good enough'. Fascinating!

It reminded me of a quote from Marianne Williamson's book 'A Return to Love', which is now quite well-known, and it struck me again so powerfully that I wanted to share it on my blog:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Eliminate Anxiety?

Recently, I was asked by a prospective client to assist them in 'eliminating anxiety' from their life. It was an interesting request. Certainly I could see that he would benefit from altering his anxiety levels, but I could not in all honesty take him on as a client, with the aim of eliminating anxiety.

Why? First, because I believe that all our emotions are useful for us at specific times. Anxiety can alert us to the fact that we are about to be mugged, for example, and allows us to create the best physiological state for us to respond to the situation. Eliminating his anxiety response would mean he was less able to be fully human and experience the range of emotions that accompany our humanity.

Secondly, when we want to eliminate some aspect of ourselves, it suggests that we are also rejecting that part of ourselves. And I am increasingly convinced that ACCEPTANCE rather than rejection, is a much more effective way of enabling us to move forwards. If we notice, then accept, we create a completely different psychological and also physiological state.

Thirdly, I was much more interested in helping him to create more of what he DOES want in his life!

I am reminded of the conclusion of my last post: 'Love matters'. Love not only matters when we are dealing with students, clients, family, friends....it also matters hugely when we are dealing with ourselves. Love matters. Let's love all parts of ourselves....even those parts that perhaps we have labelled as undesirable. Let's take the fight and rejection out of it.....and bring love and acceptance into our lives.

What matters? Love matters.

Spent a lovely evening last night at a joint Churches Together service at Truro Methodist Church. I realised anew, that at the heart of the Christian message is the message of love. And then I started thinking about what is at the heart of every therapeutic thing that we do.....

I remember being given an English GCSE class to teach in a 6th form college. I was taking over from another teacher who had gone on sick leave, and was told the class were 'the dregs'; they weren't expected to pass their GCSE, but the college received money for 'bums on seats' so they had to provide a teacher for them. They were certainly a challenging class to teach, and it became clear early on that wading through the GCSE syllabus was fairly pointless. So I started to ask them about their lives, their stories, to listen to them. Not surprisingly they told of hardship, poverty, suffering and discrimination. And for a few minutes towards the end of the session, I would throw in some English for good measure. They were bemused. We continued in this way, slowly building relationships.

One girl missed the deadline for her coursework. I remembered her telling me that she worked at McDonalds, so I rang them up, found her, and arranged to meet her to collect her coursework. More bemusement.

My reward? College results for English GCSE were, to my memory, about 38%; my 'dregs' 52%.

What matters? Love matters.

'Slow down everybody, you're moving too fast' Jack Johnson

I've long been bemused by what seems to be a paradox: the more I take time to meditate, rest, pray, breathe....the more work I seem to accomplish. It shouldn't make sense...yet it does.

This week I came across Deepak Chopra's book The Soul Leadership, where he focuses on, amongst other things, what Eastern spiritual traditions sometimes call 'nondoing'.....which is considered more powerful than 'doing'. I like the idea of non-doing, not in a lazy sense, but in a conscious, chosen sense, where the Universe, God's will, or whatever language you feel most comfortable with, is allowed to unfold, and not co-erced into being by our action. I know that this involves a degree of trust....and this is what I will be focusing on this week.

So if you see me just sitting...you will know that that I'm not bored or lazy or confused.....but that I'm practising the art of non-doing!

Wired for Joy!

Just reading a fascinating book: The Pathway by Laurel Mellin. Her next book is called Wired for Joy....and I can't wait to read that one! Her thesis is very similar to the philosophy behind Lightning Process: it is possible to re-train our brains to produce balance and joy in our lives.....so that we can become, over time 'Wired for Joy'.

As a medic, Mellin, draws on research that supports the notion that it is possible to re-wire our brains; that neural plasticity is alive and well. What I particularly like about Mellin's approach is her focus on the two skills of nurturing and setting limits. She suggests that people who resort to external solutions and un-helpful patterns such as food, over-work, perfectionism, alcohol, drugs etc have failed to learn two basic and essential skills: nurturing themselves adequately and setting reasonable limits. The good news is that we can learn to do this, whatever age and stage we are at.

Lightning Process News

Great to see that the Sussex and Kent ME/CFS society credit Lightning Process as the intervention that was most helpful. A credit to those ex-sufferers who have worked to achieve their improvements....and to all those wonderful practitioners who have shown them the way. Here is the link if you want to read more about it:

http://www.prnewswire.co.uk/cgi/news/release?id=308421

The more you give the more you get?

I have quite a few clients who are artists, not surprising when you live somewhere as beautiful as Cornwall.

I worked with one such client this morning. In fact I'd worked with them before, and was doing this session as a 'freebie' for various reasons. At the end of the session just before they left, they gave me a most beautiful work of art, 'just something small' they said,' as a thank you for the free session'. I was - and still am - bowled over.

What a lovely example of giving and receiving freely.

MOOOOODLE!

Just returned from INSET day at school, and amongst the usual updating of information and IT skills, there was a fascinating session on MOODLE. Now I've heard of moodle, know my kids use it at uni, but have never contemplated the idea that I could usefully use it. Not only have I discovered that I CAN use it, as in am sufficiently IT-compatible, I think there are all sorts of ways I could use it, not just for students, but how about a resource place for clients to access info? Am getting excited......

AND there was an excellent session on Behaviour Management. It's simple really....we just treat students as dogs.....

The Joy of Coffee Shops

My usual routine on Saturday mornings when I'm working in Cornwall, is to head off early to Cafe Nero in Falmouth. I spend a delicious 30 mins with a capuccino and my notebook, and look back over the previous week.....high points, things to learn etc. It helps me focus for the next week, and tweak my own performance.

However, today I wanted to look back over the whole year and ahead to next year, and somehow Falmouth didn't seem far enough away. So I took myself off to West Cornwall Retail Park for reflection and review, and yes, I know a retail park seems a strange place to reflect when I have the miles of golden sands of Hayle only minutes away....but it works for me. Had a great time.....AND got some end of sale bargains from Next and M&S! 2011 - bring it on!

'If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.' Einstein

So... the New Year has been celebrated, I've walked around Gunwalloe and Church Cove and seen the crashing waves, felt singularly small, watched a manic puppy on the beach, came home and felt inspired to rustle up a cake.

Whilst I was doing it I was musing on my cake-baking and cooking skills generally. They could probably be summed up by the phrase 'joyous and messy'. And I realised that if I keep cooking the way I have done so far....I will always be a joyous and messy cook. So what if I want to change and keep the joyous bit but not the 'messy' bit, how would I do that? I remember Einstein's 'If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.' SO I decided to do something different....and yes, I have baked a cake joyously....and the kitchen is tidy! The first positive change of 2011.

Thank you to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall for his Date and Orange cake recipe in today's Guardian. http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/series/hughfearnleywhittingstallonfood