The BIG Picture

I've had a couple of weeks of interesting reading and experiences. Sometimes I experience things, then find a context or paradigm in which to understand them, and sometimes I have a cognitive understanding of something but the experience comes later. Recent influences have been The Wisdom Jesus by Cynthia Bourgeault, Laurel Mellin's The Pathway, Genpo Roshi's Big Mind and the funeral of a close friend.

I've been musing in the past few weeks about the different ways of 'being' in the world. It seems I have two options for the way I operate. The first way is to operate from a point where 'I' am the starting point, and my 'story', my 'perspective', my 'beliefs' become paramount, and consequently define my feelings and actions. For example, if someone shouts at me I can respond by thinking something along the lines of: 'How dare you shout at me? What have I done? I don't deserve to be shouted at?' And so on. William Blake expresses the consequences of this approach neatly in his poem 'Poison Tree'. 

The point to note about this is that 'I' and 'Me' take centre stage'; it is about the preservation - at all costs - of ego. 

The other way is interesting, and in some senses counter-intuitive. It involves stepping back from self, and into a bigger picture. As I do this I begin to lose my 'story' of what is happening. The more I do it the smaller my 'story' becomes and the less-identified I become with it. As I step into the much bigger picture, at this point I become limited by my language. We could call this bigger picture God, or the Universe, or Christ Consciousness, or Enlightnement.....but I prefer to simply use the word Love...as that is what it feels like. It doesn't feel like a neutral state, a sort of taking out of gear, but a positive, energy-filled, aliveness of celebration and love. 

In this state the old dualistic way of experiencing life disappears....there is no 'me' and 'you' ...there is simply one-ness. Judgement and justification melt away.....

Having experienced this a few times, and noticed the way it changes everything in my perceptual world, I am intrigued by the ways in which I can move into the big picture increasingly easily, no matter what else is going on. My current entry points to this expanded state include prayer (ritual and silent), meditation (again my version of it involves nothing rather than focusing on something), conscious choice, active acceptance, music, chanting, sharing with others. 

It's a bit early for New Year's resolutions......but I think the BIG picture is one I want to cultivate in 2012!

SLAMMED!!!

We've been 'slammed'.

This is another new experience for me.....and one that is proving a mite challenging!

For those of you who haven't yet discovered what it is to be 'slammed', allow me to explain.

On Thursday all was well. Our phone worked and so did our internet connection. On Friday morning we got up, switched on our laptops to check e-mails, news, weather etc....but couldn't get a connection. This is not particularly unusual....but when all the usual tricks failed to work, I decided to ring our provider....and discovered too that the phone did not work either.

A series of phone calls from my partner and myself ( and ok...I admit his were more effective than mine) to the provider and other providers lead to the pronouncement that we had been 'slammed'. Another provider had taken ( I think of it as STOLEN!) our phone line, either inadvertently or deliberately. Apparently it's not uncommon. And apparently it could take up to two weeks to either repair the mistake or to find us a new line. In the meantime I'm becoming a rather familiar figure hunched over my laptop in Wetherspoons....enjoying their free wi-fi. Bless Wetherspoons.

I'm fascinated by the word 'slammed' and the effect it has on the users. Its connotations of violence, power, victim etc. So many of the words we use have an onomatopoiec effect on us. This is familiar NLP stuff...but when you come across a new word used in a new context it allows us to realise again the power that the words we use have upon ourselves, our family, our friends, our colleaguees, our clients, our students.

It has started me thinking of the words I want to be using instead. I like softer, nurturing, loving, empowering, enabling words (do these words in some way embody the sentiment they convey?).

Note to self: listen gently to the words I use when I'm talking to me.

And send loving thoughts to those s.........!

'WE ARE SAILING....'

Sailing. There are always so many things I learn from the times - not all that frequent! - when I sail.

The last time was last Sunday. My plan had been to spend the morning doing school prep, ready for going back on Monday. Yet when I woke, the sky was blue and the sun was shining. It seemed madness to stay in and work when we were heading into Autumn and this might well be one of only a few sunny days. It didn't take very much persuasion to lure my partner out onto the water....

We decided on a limited venture across from Mylor to Loe Beach to grab a cuppa at the cafe, then head back to Mylor. I'm always struck by the choosing of a point to set off towards. I love the focus on a point in the distance, maybe a clump of trees or a building, on the far shore. I love the fact that it's in the distance, but as we sail towards it it becomes closer. I love the fact that knowing our final destination, in this case Loe Beach, we have to set off in different directions in order to get to it - zigzagging our way forwards - changing our course as the wind direction changes, but always keeping in sight our end destination.

I know in my own life that having a destination, a vision is vital. Once I know where I'm going, then I can plan my course, changing it according to the winds that blow across my life.

When we arrived at Loe Beach we took the inflatable, affectionately named the 'plastic doughnut' and paddled to shore. Not without some difficulty, as the wind had become much stronger. We had a brief cuppa, then clambered back into the doughnut and back onto Tiddy Oggie.

Sailing back turned into a bit of a challenge. The winds were stronger and sea choppier than we had experienced on this boat. A reef was put in the sail, the main sheet was let out, and still we heeled in a way that felt less than comfortable! I was aware of the need for calm. When things become choppy a calm response means that one can make sensible, rational decisions. Panic -yes, I did a bit! - wasn't remotely helpful.

I've always found regarding life as a sailing adventure a really helpful metaphor. At the start of September and the beginning of the academic year, at  school it seems as if we are just setting sail. Ship ready? The destination? July - lessons learned, exam syllabuses taught, exams sat, productions produced, concerts given, games played, fun had.  All on board? Here we go again.....

Saying YES to Life!

It was a gorgeous sunny evening yesterday, and I was sitting on the quay at Mylor Harbour enjoying a drink, watching the sun go down, and thinking the usual, 'I'm so lucky to live in Cornwall,' thoughts, when I was approached by a boy. Maybe he was about 9 or 10.

'Are you the wife of the gentleman who is currently walking to the car park? He says you produce rather fine cuisine.'

Well, it seemed not entirely out of the question that I was said wife. So I answererd in the affirmative.

'He thought you would like to know that we have been collecting razor clams and are selling them at a rather enticing price.'

'Really? What are razor clams?'

He explained slowly so I could follow him.

'So how do you cook them?'

Another patient explanation followed.....and at the end he threw in the useful tip that they are really quite delicious with olive oil and garlic. Hmmm.

'So would you like to buy some? 10 for £1 or the whole lot - at least 100 for £10.'

Well.....how intriguing. I looked at the boy who held a large bucket of clams, and at his younger sister who held the smaller bucket.

'Why, yes. I would love to buy 10 razor clams!'

The younger sister, clearly a new counter, carefully extracted one razor clam at a time from her bucket and placed them on my hand, counting each one out loud. The brother produced a poly bag to put them in, and then I produced a £1 coin.

'Thank you. It's been a pleasure to do business with you,' he declared.

He shook my hand, and they took their buckets and their clams and wandered off......

Love this saying yes to life stuff.....all sorts of interesting experiences ensue. Razor clams for lunch ....and I think I might have met a future winner of 'The Apprentice'!

Still Breathing.....

I love stories, and particularly enjoyed the one Jonathan Nunn told on the recent Breathing course. Here is my memory of it (how easy is it to remember and accurately reproduce what you have heard? And how often do we 'tell the story' of what happened to us....inaccurately......in our distorted version? But that's another story.....)

A man heard of a very wise guru that lived high up in the mountains, who was reputed to have the ability to give genies to people. This sounded amazing and highly desirable...so the man set off to find the guru. After much travelling he found him, and asked the guru if it was true that he could conjure up genies. The guru nodded, so the man said that he would like one. The guru declined to produce one for him. The man was determined to have one and began to use all his powers of persuasion to persuade the guru to produce a genie for him.

After several days of using his persuasive skills the guru agreed to produce a genie. The genie, the guru said, would do anything the man asked him to do, but he must take care to keep the genie occupied at all times; if he wasn't occupied the genie would produce a sword and cut the man to pieces. He checked that the man still wanted one, but it seemed he did.

So the genie was produced. At first the man asked him to build him a mansion, thinking that that would keep the genie occupied for a long time. But in the twinkling of an eye, he had his mansion. Quickly he asked the genie to build an orchard. Again, in an instant it appeared. As the man paused to think of something else he saw the genie take out his sword and move towards the man. 'And now make me a feast,' he said, becoming desperate to think of things to prevent the genie from killing him.

After a short space of time the man realised why the wise guru had been so reluctant to give him the genie; it was a nightmare! Thinking fast, he asked the genie to take him back to the guru, and in a split second they were there. The man begged the guru to take the genie back, saying that he couldn't keep thinking of things for him to do....it was impossible...and there was no peace.....and no rest. 'Please take him back!' the man begged.

Surprisngly the guru refused. But he was a very wise guru, and he gave the unfortunate man with the genie the following advice: When you have no work for the genie, ask him to build a helter-skelter and instruct him to climb up to the top, slide down to the bottom and keep doing that until you have another instruction for him.

The man smiled. He knew now how to control the genie.

What is the genie? Our active minds. As soon as we have finished doing some really useful or creative thinking what happens?

When we don't require our conscious mind to think, we can park it, rather like the genie on the helter-skelter, on the breath. As we focus on the in-breath, then the out-breath, our mind doesn't have time for all the unhelpful waffle it so often is tempted into.

Breathing and Bellies!

Recently I attended a fascinating two-day workshop at the beautiful Hawkwood College in Stroud, run by Dr David Beales and Jonathon Nunn. The subject: Mindfulness and the Breath.

I've been aware for some time that the way we breathe has a powerful physiological and psychological effect on our bodies, but wanted more detailed input on exactly how this works and how I can alter my breathing to further my own well-being.

I learned so much that it is a challenge to fit it all into one blog....so this might be the first of many!

On the second day David introduced us to a capnographer: a device that measures our carbon di-oxide levels in our outbreath. In turn we were invited to hook our nostrils up to a tube and simply breath. How difficult could that be? Well, in my case, very! How interesting to notice that when it was my turn to breathe and have the subsequent display of my carbon di-oxide levels on the screen for everyone to look at, I discovered I could do an old pattern of nervousness really easily. And of course my breathing reflected that. David used his lovely language to help me take myself back to a place of calm......to notice my feet as they connected to the floor....to recall the things we had talked about earlier....and it helped a little. Then he mentioned the 'soft belly' - the one that babies and children have naturally and easily. It was a bit like a switch for me. As I relaxed my belly, so I relaxed; my breathing slowed and became calm. David pointed out that this was a great anchor for me, which it was...and still is.

Since that discovery moment I have been intrigued to notice how much of the time I've been instinctively doing 'tight belly' (and not because my muscle tone is superb!) and how that effectively means I'm doing a degree of stress. Moving to 'soft belly' means that I can change my state really easily. It also means I have to eschew the notion of flat tummy which is so often held up as an ideal  in our current culture. Doing so is an act of love for me; it means I am valuing myself and my own well-being above what other people might think of me.

An interesting side-effect of 'soft belly' is that after a few days, my belly became softer and smaller. Not surprising really, when you consider the effect of sending messages of love and relaxation to the gut area rather than stress. But I wonder if the same effect would have been achieved if I had done 'soft belly' with the express intention of reducing its size. I suspect not. Intention is all.

What can we learn from Harry Potter?

It's the end of an era. The last Harry Potter film has been celebrated, shown and viewed.

We went to the 2D version, the 3D having been fully booked up for ages. And it felt cathartic. The whole cinema applauded at the end - something that rarely happens - but which creates a rather delightful feeling of community and belonging to something bigger than ourselves.

Then I began thinking about what I could learn from this last filmic episode.

I was struck most of all by three qualities: intention, determination and committment. At the start of the film we re-connect with Harry's intention to destroy the horcruxes. This was the mission that Harry had been given by Dumbledore, and his strong intention is to carry out this mission. His intention set his direction rather like a rudder sets the direction for a boat.

How many times was he thwarted? I've lost count! There was the time in Gringott's vault when all the objects kept multiplying; there was the time in the Room of Requirement when he faced engulfing flames; the time when he was about to be discovered in Hogsmeade.....you know the rest. And what kept Harry going? I think it was his determination to complete the task, and his belief that the task was do-able.

And lastly there is Harry's committment. When he has to fight Voldemort he is totally committed to the task. You can tell by the expression on his face and his body posture. Total committment. He fights with 100%. He gives it, not a good shot, but his very best shot. And did he win the fight? Actually, no. At least not in the short term. But I think that when we operate with intention, determination and committment....then magic can happen. And it did for Harry.

Harry is a certainly a key figure.....but the other character that stood out for me was Neville Longbottom. Neville, who found learning how to do spells difficult; who had various mishaps throughout his school career; who was always losing Trevor, his toad; who never looked as if he would turn into a hero....is the one who comes up trumps in the end in a most spectacular fashion! It reminds me of a verse in the Bible I have always been fond of. It's from Corinthians and goes something like, 'God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.'

There are so many things we can learn from these wonderful books and films.....I imagine it's a subject that I will return to again and again......

Long live Harry Potter!